This sucks

[ConnorsMom]

This is all consuming and it’s driving me nuts. My DH keeps reminding me that I control my thoughts….and that’s the scary part!

So we’re actively trying for number two and for some reason I think we should be able to do it on our own. The first time around I didn’t know if I’d ever get pregnant, but now I know it’s possible. As you all know, the chance of conceiving isn’t much higher with an IUI than naturally so I have it in my head that I don’t want to go back to RFP….and I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just stubborn…okay, I’m definitely stubborn!

And I also feel like a hypocrite. Many of you are struggling to have your first child and I’ve been blessed with a perfectly healthy little boy. Maybe I should just leave it at one?! But then I get p*ssed off with all the people that get pregnant on their first try. How does that happen?? And why should I “settle”??

So now I’m completely distracted and I can’t stop thinking about all of the BFNs and wondering “did I just test too early” and “maybe my hCG levels just aren’t high enough yet” and of course that leads to hours of scouring the internet to find research on HPTs and how early you can/should test. I wish I was one of those women who could go “oh, my goodness, my period is late, maybe I should POAS”. Ha! Not in this lifetime!

Anyway, that is my Thursday morning rant.

Thanks for reading.

[asha]

Hi ConnorsMom,

I see wanting another baby as meaning that you have a lot of love in your heart and you want to add to your family, which is pretty natural. Go for it if that is what you want! Hey, what about finding out how long the referral to the clinic would take, and then you could have that as a back-up? Doesn't mean that you have to go through with it when the time comes for whatever reason, and, you could very well find yourself conceiving naturally in the meantime!

I admit it... a few months ago, I was spending a lot of time looking up the same stuff you are writing about... then, it progressed to my obsession with looking up pregnancy signs at 10 dpo, 11 dpo... until I would get my temp drop and know that AF was coming the next day... and then I would look up "BFP with bbt drop"...

So far, this 1st week of my 2WW hasn't been bad at all-- I've only been on this chat forum, and some TCM herb sites (looking up what Leslie recommended).

I did have an interesting experience a couple days ago when I went for relaxation massage. Well, to start with the woman right away said that I have short arms from my shoulder to my elbow and that I must have a lot of shoulder tension. Who knew? (Wow, talk about making you feel like a freak). Then, when I told her that I was in the 2WW and that I wanted to take my mind off my fertility issues (because of course, that can be of concern... but otherwise, I wouldn't have told her nothing! )... she went on to tell me about how she delivered her baby 5 days before her 44th birthday, after--you guessed it--"the very first try!" Her DS is now 20 mos. Well. I know she meant well, in order to encourage me... Anyway, the massage wasn't relaxing at all because she talked too much and it kind of hurt in some spots... oh well, must be my arms

[ConnorsMom]

Hi asha,
Thanks for the laugh! I really needed that. Unfortunately, that woman will never understand how ill timed her “words of encouragement” were. And I’m sorry about your arms!

I’m glad to hear your 2WW is going well! It’s funny, after I got my temp spike I remember thinking “well, we’ve done everything we can, now it’s just the wait”. I hate waiting!

When is your DPO 14? Mine is on Sunday so I’ll be holding my breath waiting for my temp to drop (or not drop!). I could save myself a lot of anguish if I just watched my temperatures instead of constantly POAS. Are you charting on Fertility Friend? I love their chart gallery and although their stats might not be truly scientific, they’ve given me a sense of peace with the number of women that don’t get a positive until 13.6 DPO. (http://www.fertilityfriend.com/Faqs/Whe ... gnant.html)

Stay warm and good luck with your wait!

[asha]

My DPO 14 is Thursday. Actually, I won't know if my temp will stay raised or drop-- because since the start of this week I threw my theromemter away. Well, not literally, but I did tuck it away in the bottom of a drawer. In this past month I was finding that most times I was waking up between 2 and 4 pm, so then I would take my temp knowing that if I didn't my husband's alarm would be going off shortly and it wouldn't be valid to take without that 3 hours of straight sleep... but sometimes I would sleep through the night and the alarm clock, and then take it 1.5 hours later than normal... so needless to say, my chart was looking crazy. I actually think that I was driving myself crazy with temping because I was feeling deprived with all that interrupted sleep--I think it was on my mind as I was sleeping, which is why my eyes would fly open and I would grab for my thermometer in the dark, knocking things off my nightstand in the process.

This time around, I guess I will just count the days and hopefully reach DPO 18-- and I will POAS then. Yeah, that anguish of POAS and getting the BFN... In the process of trying, I suppose either way a person looks at it--POAS or temping--when it isn't what we are hoping for, you have to gather up your emotions, find some more hope, and then carry on with things.

Oh yes... I was reading in "Taking Charge of your Fertility" once that some people who get pregnant easily do so because their fertile cervical fluid is so abundant--often for like 5 days in a row--so they have more chances in a given month. Hmm, interesting.

I'm sending lots of good vibes your way, and I'll be thinking of you as Sunday approaches!

Asha

P.S. Thanks for the link, too! Maybe I will try it that way...